3 Things You'll Find in My Car...But Not My Husband's

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The other night, my husband and I went to Sam's Club as part of a series of errands we were running. I'm not a big fan of Sam's Club, so I begged off and stayed in the car (something he does at other stores, in case you're feeling sorry for him). Within five minutes, my phone battery died, leaving me entertainment-less.

Admittedly, this was a situation of my own making -- I was the one who didn't charge her phone and I was the one who chose to stay in the car -- so please understand I'm not looking for sympathy. There were, however, other things I was looking for -- things I'd find in my car on any given day -- things that were nowhere to be found in my husband's car.

• Paper and a writing implement. In my car, there are several notepads of various sizes, along with a choice of writing implements, including a highlighter. Then again, I'm a writer.
• Tissues or napkins (I have both). In my car, napkins and tissues take up approximately one third of the glove compartment. Then again, I have allergies year-round.
• A blanket. A small, fleece blanket is a staple in the back seat of my car. Then again, right now it's in the wash because we used it to sit on when we had lunch at the food trucks....and couldn't find anything to sit on in his car.
• An umbrella. Okay, this I'm pretty sure he does have. Then again, I think it's because I gave him a hard time about not having one the last time we got soaked.

Okay, maybe I really only needed the first one. And maybe his car's a lot neater than mine because his doesn't have all this stuff in it. But not being able to find the first one led me to...well, this blog. I ended up writing (notes for this blog) on an outdated coupon flyer (I had a pen in my wallet).

It's a good thing one of us believes in being prepared.

Good Intentions, Poor Execution

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Last week, my daughter's school sent out a mass email informing parents that we'd reached the midpoint of the marking period. I'll be the first to admit that this sort of reminder is one I both need and appreciate, as time seems to be flying by this fall.

What I appreciated less, however, was the tone of the rest of the email. Essentially, I was informed that I should be checking on my child's grades and initiating a conversation with her about her "current levels of performance...and to consider how to maintain and/or strengthen all grades." Once again, this was a mass email, sent to every parent with a child in the high school.

My child will be eighteen in less than two months. In less than a year, she'll be a college freshman, where I can promise you that any and all efforts on my part to be a helicopter parent will be, shall we say, discouraged. If I've been doing my job correctly, I should be discussing her school life with her on a regular basis, not stalking her electronically in an effort "...to consider how to maintain and/or strengthen all grades."

I can think of very few things my independent (and honor-roll) daughter would like less than the very things her school is telling me I should be doing as a "conscientious" parent. And as a parent whose goal has been to raise an independent child who is intrinsically motivated and doesn't need her parents nagging her about her grades, I resent the implication that I'm not a conscientious parent if I don't stalk my daughter's GPA just because I can.

I know that their intentions are good; but we all know what's paved with good intentions. I know that I'm incredibly blessed to have a child who's intrinsically motivated and doesn't need me to avail myself of the ubiquitous electronic means provided by her school to check up on her. I also know I'm not doing a very good job as a parent if that's the only way I can find out what's going on in my daughter's life -- academic or otherwise.

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Once I got over my initial vexation (the aftereffects of which I'm clearly still working through), I realized that what's at work here is the evil duo of paperlessness and standardized testing, whose offspring is none other than helicopter parenting. In the old days, we got notes and phone calls from teachers when our kids needed help; no news was good news. Kids' grades belonged to the kids and teacher salaries and school district reputations didn't rise and fall on parental involvement in said grades. And parents raised kids to step out on their own and face the world equipped to do so. Sure, they hovered in the wings, where kids knew they were if they needed them, but most self-respecting young adults didn't want their parents fighting their battles for them.

And my goal from the very beginning has been to raise exactly that kind of young adult. Through a combination of persistence, blood, sweat, tears and miracles, we've managed to do something resembling exactly that. And that is what conscientious parents do.

So the next time the high school sends me an email like the one I got last week, I'm hoping it comes with an unsubscribe option. If it doesn't, I'll need to conscientiously utilize my delete key.

Saturday Special: Tackling Fall

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How'd you do with last week's projects? Tackle anything interesting?

Now that it's officially fall -- my favorite season -- I thought I'd follow up on last week's post with a similar list suited to fall. Like last week's projects, these 10 Simple Tips for Fall Home Organization also come from the folks at Organized Living. and they're a way to get on top of things before the cooler weather really kicks in (if you live in my neck of the woods, anyway, where I'm still wearing sandals).

And if you're really lucky, maybe you can check a few of these off before the Christmas decorations pop up in your favorite retail establishment.

But you may be cutting it close.

Friday Feature: FOCUS

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Are you one of those amazing people who sits down to begin a task and keeps at it until it's finished? Do you manage to get from start to finish without any interruptions or distractions?

Then this week's article isn't for you.

But if you, like the rest of us, find that your path from Point A to Point B is more often jagged than linear, you might want to check out Next Avenue's 8 Ways to Beat Work Distractions and Be More Productive. A compilation of ideas from a workshop by Sam Horn and Danielle Faust, the piece offers tips on conquering work woes from persistence to procrastination.

I have only one complaint: I wish the article wasn't so prominently peppered with links to other relevant articles. Good for the web site and bad for the distractible reader -- which is actually kind of ironic.

I had to read the Jerry Seinfeld link. How about you?

3 Kinds of Perfectionism

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When I retired, one of the things I set out to do was to take this blog more seriously. My first step in that direction was to establish a regular posting schedule, something I accomplished with a reasonable degree of success.

Until this fall.

This fall, I'm on campus every day, and teaching more classes than ever before, which is a good thing. I think.

One of the classes is brand new, and I'm building it from scratch as I go. I have a blueprint, but I also want the content to be responsive to my students' needs, and fortunately, it's the kind of class that lends itself to that sort of thing. I'm having fun, but my discretionary time is disappearing fast.

Oh, and I'm trying to finish the final edits on a novel that I want to get out next month.

For some reason, I deluded myself into thinking this would not affect my posting schedule.

So far, in typical perfectionistic style, my strategy has been to run myself ragged, become horribly grouchy and beat myself up for posting later in the day. As you can probably imagine, that hasn't been terribly productive.

It wasn't until I set out to write today's post about perfectionism that I realized how ridiculous I was being. As it turns out, I was engaging in two of the three kinds of perfectionism described by Dr. Gordon Flett, who's done quite a bit of research on these things.

See for yourself:

• Self-oriented perfectionists are hard on themselves, expecting not only maximum effort from themselves, but also to hit the target every time. Down time and unreached goals are not an option.
• Other-oriented perfectionists impose unrealistic standards on other people. 
• Socially prescribed perfectionists feel the pressure to be perfect, but it's not self-imposed. Instead, they think that others expect them to be perfect, and they behave accordingly.

Just two weeks ago, I shared these with my students, encouraging them to focus not on perfectionism, but instead on conscientiousness. Once again, I'm lousy at taking my own advice, something I commiserated over with a barista-friend at Starbucks earlier this week.

But I digress. Which, in this case, is actually the point.

It's time to digress. To get off this path. To recognize that posting on Wednesday is posting on Wednesday, whether it's midnight or 11:59 PM. To realize that most of you don't care when I post, and to let those of you who do care know that life happens and I'm doing my best.

To admit...that I'm...not...perfect.

Yeah, I knew that already, and you probably did, too. So it's time to walk the walk.

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So, here's the deal. I'm giving up both A and C above (the self-oriented and socially prescribed versions of this poison), and I have no intention of taking on B. I plan to show up here every Wednesday, though I can make no promises about what time that might be. I hope you'll still stop by and see what I have to say, perhaps a little later in the day than before, or maybe even later in the week. I'm not ready to give up my posts, and I hope you're not either. 

In any event, thanks for reading. And if you, like me, are plagued with A, B and/or C, maybe think about digressing a little yourself.

I hear it's good for your health.

The Cure for the Common Frenzy

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I am generally an upbeat person, but lately, I've been feeling tired and a bit like I need a life preserver. I'm used to being busy, and although I'm busier than normal, that didn't feel like the whole problem.

Never satisfied not to analyze, I kept wondering and working at the knot, trying to figure out what tangled threads were at its core. Then last Friday, a beautiful, sunny day on the cusp of the weekend, as I drove down route 83, my endless to-do list scrolling through my head, it finally dawned on me.

I don't have any white space.

No, I haven't gone over the edge, or gone under completely (glub, glub). White space -- that beautiful stretch of calendar page that is blank and free from all scheduled obligation -- is my cure for the common frenzy. And while my days for the past couple of weeks have had patches of white space -- enough for a nap or a maybe even a decadent night of mindless television -- what I needed was a meadow-sized space. A whole day where I didn't have to be anywhere. I could have a to-do list -- no problem.

I just needed an entire 24-hour period full of white space to carve up as I saw fit.

While diagnosing my problem was a relief, looking at my calendar curtailed that excitement pretty quickly. I'm optimistic that I can stitch together a patchwork of white space in the week ahead, but my meadow is still a ways off.

Still, knowing what the problem is, now I can tackle it. The first step is to find the first white space day on my calendar and plant my flag. My day. My time. Nothing scheduled here. A big old X on the calendar, and that step is done. Yes, people can ask me to do things, and I'll be happy to add them to my list, and maybe even comply. As long as I don't have to be anywhere else to do it.

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The next step is to take a look at the things that are eating up my white space and decide if they've earned the right to gobble it up. Which commitments truly enrich me and which are simply white-space eating habits? That step is a lot more challenging, but it's the one that's likely to lead to a long-term solution.

Finally, I need to get from here to the X on my calendar. Knowing what's going on is a big relief -- a half-inflated life preserver, if you will -- and knowing my white space is there, waiting for me, helps, too. Until then, I have to protect my patchwork, and, barring emergencies, I think I can do that.

And finally finally, I need to accept that this is something that I need. That it's not selfish or childish or ridiculous. Yes, a full schedule with responsibilities is part of being an adult. But my goal is to be a happy adult, and that means that an honest assessment of what I can and cannot do is in order. And what I cannot do is operate indefinitely without white space.

How about you? How do you capture and preserve your white space?

Saturday Special: 5 Home Organization Projects to Tackle Before Summer is Over

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It's mid-September and today's Days to Summer countdown tells me there are 4 days left in the summer of 2015. Though I'm sorry to say good-bye to many aspects of summer, I'm not a big fan of hot weather, so I'm not entirely sad about these waning days.

Just as each of us has our favorite seasons (mine is fall), some organization projects lend themselves more to some seasons than others. Toward that end, Organized Living has come up with some seasonal suggestions, in 5 Home Organization Projects to Tackle in Really Hot Weather. Many of these would also work on rainy days...or any other day where venturing outside seems less-than-desirable.  

What will you organize today?

Friday Feature: 7 Ways to Become Influential

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It's rare that I don't enjoy a piece by Peter Economy, and this week's Friday Feature is no exception. Having spent the last week teaching Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People to a group of freshmen, I was drawn in by the title, and anxious to make a comparison. As it turns out, the "7 Highly Effective Habits to Become the Most Influential Person in the Room" dovetail quite nicely with their Covey cousins. A mix of common sense and common courtesy, they're a lot less complicated, too. 

Chances are, if you were raised with a mix of common sense and common courtesy, you're already more than halfway there. I'm happy to report that this is the case for my own child, and most of my freshmen as well. 

At least when I'm watching.

4 Strategies for Global Thinkers

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Last Friday's post got me started on the topic of global thinking, a topic I continued with Monday's post. where I realized just how pervasive my big picture perspective is. Since taking the counselor out of the school doesn't eliminate her need to strategize, I'm wrapping up today with four things that can help my fellow global thinkers to manage the details when the details seem to be managing them.

• Empty your head. I mentioned in my last post that I have little notes to myself all over the house. I also have little notepads stashed throughout the house to corral the ideas and "oh, yeah, I've got to do that" notions that pop into my head. Carrying the details around in my head and trying to keep track of them is exhausting; dumping them onto paper is not only a stress reliever, it also increases the chances that things will actually get done.

• Use master lists wisely. For a big picture thinker, a to-do list that goes longer than, say, ten items becomes a burden rather than a tool. Try creating separate lists by category (household, professional, creative, dreams -- or any other separation that works for you). Because they cover one topic only, they'll be shorter and less intimidating.

• Map it out. Big picture thinkers are good at visualizing the destination, but sometimes, we struggle with the path to it. Taking time to create a map in the form of action steps, no matter how small, can not only bring the destination into focus, but also help us get there faster.

Photo: Vicky53 via Morguefile

• Make time to make sense of the details. The temptation is to just keep forging ahead, but for the global person, this can feel like a blind pursuit. Pause every so often to make sure you're focusing on the details that lead to your desired destination. This is especially important when you're pursuing more than one destination at a time. If that sounds contradictory (I mean, how can you end up in multiple places at once?), stop for a moment and think about how many projects you're working on simultaneously. If each carries its own set of action steps, it's really easy to get lost if you don't stop from time to time and assess where you are and where you're going.

Finally, keep in mind that flexibility is a good thing. Life won't always go according to plan, and while this can pose a problem for detail-oriented people who don't like it when their details are disturbed, big picture people often find it easier to step back, reassess and, well, you know...

Look at the big picture.

The Globalness of Global Thinking

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The process leading up to Friday's post was enlightening for me. I've known for years that I'm a global thinker -- my very detail-oriented educator colleagues and I joked about it regularly -- but it wasn't until Friday that I realized just how global my globalness is. So many things that I labeled in a negative light are actually a by-product of my global thinking. Or, to appropriate the title of a book written for adults with ADHD, You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! The issues are different, but the feeling of relief is, I imagine, quite the same.

Long after I posted Friday's blog, I kept reading about big picture thinkers. Interestingly enough, there are entire articles devoted to becoming a big picture thinker; there are actually folks out there who want what I have!

But an article called "The 7 Secrets of Big Picture Thinkers"  is the one that captured my attention.

Secrets? Not in my world. The author might as well have been describing me.

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• She says, "Catch your ideas."
• I think, "That's why I have notes to myself scattered throughout my house."

• She says, "Overwhelm [sic] can be described as either having too much on your plate or PERCEIVING what you have to be too much."
• I think, "'That's why I feel as though I'm drowning when the details pile up."

• She says, "Talk about your ideas."
• I think, "That's why I subject my husband to monologues about my latest and greatest plans and ideas."

• She says, "Give your mind time to wander."
• I think, "That's why I need some quiet time without interruptions each day, and down time late in the afternoon."

If you're a global thinker, you should read the article. You'll feel right at home. If you're a detail-oriented thinker, you should read the article.

Your friends who are big-picture people will thank you.

Saturday Special: Thinking Outside the (Ikea) Box

One of my favorites in this piece.
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I've never been to an Ikea store. Sad, really, since I grew up not far from a number of them. And, after scrolling through Buzzfeed's 37 Clever Ways to Organize Your Entire Life with Ikea, I'm thinking I might have to plan a trip. The ideas here are clever (as promised), creative and suited to a wide range of styles.

It just goes to show you: When you combine designated uses of storage items with all of the possible non-standard uses, the possibilities are endless.